


Clad In Black

by Merle_de_la_Font_des_Fades



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 00:16:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10502451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merle_de_la_Font_des_Fades/pseuds/Merle_de_la_Font_des_Fades
Summary: Spencer is always clad in back.





	

Spencer is always clad in black. Wether they’re a boy, a girl, both, partially a boy, partially a girl, neither or some other gender they can’t manage to identify. They have loved black since they were little and as soon as they were allowed to choose their own clothes, it had tended towards dark items. "Because it looks like how I feel", Spencer had supposed. "And because it’s pretty", they had added on second thought and smiled while nodding. They often chose their clothing baggy, as if they could disappear in them if they wished for it.

With the years, black has become their safe color, strong and heartening. It makes them feel comfortable. Spencer is relieved they can find the reassurance they need in their clothes when they can’t find it in their body. Even when it’s often difficult to choose what they will wear and their garments sometimes let them down in the middle of the day, when they experience a change of gender unexpectedly. The fact they’re black barely saves the second half of the day but at least it does.

The children at school used to tease them about their favorite tone. "Black is not a color", they had said. Spencer knows they had been right, technically black doesn’t belong with blue, yellow, orange, pink, red, purple… But then again, Spencer hadn’t belonged with the other children either. Their comrades hadn’t let them. They had been too different. Not because of their gender though. At the time, they hadn’t known there exists something else aside from female and male. It was because of various reasons that Spencer could do nothing about that they had suffered a lot at the hands of their classmates.

They remember when the teacher had once asked the whole class what their most treasured hue was and why. When their turn had come, they had softly answered: "Black". Laughter had immediately erupted in the room. And soon after that whispers and shouts which had become louder and louder. Spencer had tried to make themselves as small as possible on their chair, out of fear and shame. And then one of their classmates had yelled: "Are you stupid ? Don’t you know black isn’t a color ? ". Spencer had bit their lip until they had drawn blood when the rest of the children had cackled at the comment. They had desperately tried to hold back their tears.

The teacher had looked a bit bewildered because of all the commotion. "Quiet!" he had had to yell several times before the calm returned. "Now, as Sammy just stated, black isn’t a color." That sentence had been directed at Spencer. "Pick another one." They had struggled to find their words. "P…Pur…Purple…", they had finally managed to bring out. It had been the color of the pullover they had been wearing that day. They had hated it but their mother had had made it specifically for them since the sleeves of regular sweaters never fit their arms. The fabric had itched them and the color had made them uncomfortable for a reason they hadn't quite grasped.

But purple is Spencer’s mother’s favorite tint so they had agreed without asking questions when their mum had chosen the color for their new pullover. Their mother deserved to be happy, even if she hadn’t been at that moment. They had imagined that if they let her dress them how she wanted, she would become more lively. Spencer had realised soon enough they had been wrong but too late, the sweater had already been delivered.

"And why?" The teacher’s voice had interrupted their train of thoughts. Spencer had stayed silent, stubbornly pursing their lips firmly together while looking down at their desk, gaze fixing on their pencils. The teacher had sighed and moved on to another pupil. Spencer knows it isn’t fair that they hadn’t answered the question. But if they had replied it was because it’s their mom’s preferred color, the others would have called them a mommy’s child again. Oh, if they had only known.

If they had only known Spencer’s mother was a doll. That her eyes were made of glass and always stared past everything. If they had only known how cold her hands were. How she looked so fragile she could’ve been carved out of porcelain. And how she would lie on her bed at any hour of the day, motionless, as if she really were an inanimate object. If they had only known how Spencer would feel like they were talking to the wall when in reality it was to their mum. If they had only known how she rarely spoke and her voice sounded mechanical when she did. And how - too often - the house was messy, like a forgotten dollhouse.

If they had only known how much affection Spencer gave their mum and didn't receive in return because dolls are supposed to be loved but not to love. If they had only known their father worked hard to provide for his family and didn’t have much time for cuddles. If they had only known they had a little sister that needed a lot of tenderness too. If they had only known they longed for the emotional care they didn’t get. Maybe their classmates would have been kinder towards them. Maybe not.

Anyways, Spencer still wears black to this day. It is the only thing that has not changed in their life. Their mother is better, not the doll she used to be anymore, although they know recovery is not linear and there will always be ups and downs. But their mum is making the best out of it and if there are slip ups, Spencer can deal with it because they are old and mature enough now. Their father makes more efforts too, with the limited time he has. Their sister has grown into a teenager and is being a bit difficult but it’s nothing they can’t deal with and she’s still a sweet girl.

Spencer has friends they trust and who are dear to them. Yes, they have people standing behind and next to them. Their treasured ones make it so that black doesn’t look like how they feel anymore. It still suggests security and comfort though, which is the reason why they continue dressing in their favorite shade. Their style has evolved too. They don’t wear baggy clothes all the time, only when they feel like it. And the only thing they try to hide at such times is their annoying chest. Occasionally, on days they feel particularly bold, they add a scintilla of color in their fully dark outfit.


End file.
